How To Be A Friend ? My Year Long Journey

My attention today has diverted onto friendship. I would like to learn to be a more effective friend and as I continue to wander, I pray God teaches me not only the principles of friendship, but just how to put hands and feet to those principles to find the treasures in my relationships .

As I continue my life-long learning, these are the 3 types of friendships as I see them:

1. Vested Friendships ~These friendships are few and far between and take years to cultivate. I?ve had friendships that I really thought would transform into strong bonds of sisterhood. We shared much in common and found replenishment in the other. Unfortunately, these friendships have been mostly one-sided. We get together when I extend the invitation. If I didn?t initiate, we simply would not get together. I had a friend say she went to call me several times, but resisted because she didn?t want to interfere with the rest of my life. Either I?ve failed gravely in the friendship department, or satan is working overtime in the ?robbing of joy? department (am I really that intimidating that a friend merely won?t call me? even if I am busy that time, there?s always a next time!). I?m going to go out on a limb here and say that unless both friends are willing to take a vested interest in the relationship, the friendship may either fizzle, or at best remain superficial. I need to know my friend and I are mutually involved in making what we have special and lasting. I had a best friend of 20 years (we were truly sisters). There was a natural current of giving and receiving and never was there a doubt about our love for the other. She passed away a few years back after a 5 year battle with breast cancer and I have floundered with friendships since. Perhaps this is why I say a ?vested friendship? takes years to create and we need to consider ourselves very fortunate and blessed when we experience this kind of relationship and again, it simply won?t happen if both aren?t in it 100% (this doesn?t mean we won?t go through seasons where it?s more one-sided. During Margie?s illness, her needs were far more important than mine, but there was never a doubt in my mind her love for me because we had spent years in this mutual friendship expressing that love for one another).
2. Teaching Friendships ~ These are the kinds of friendships that can often be draining if appropriate boundaries are not put in place. They can also be very rewarding because we are the giver. They are centered around serving, discipleship, & counseling (often what we see in ministry). There are times our friends come to us for the sole purpose of seeking guidance, comfort, or a listening ear. Life has dealt them a difficult hand and they need someone they can trust to turn to. Again, this relationship is one sided and it is also necessary (particularly if it is our desire to emulate Jesus? as this defines most of His relationships while walking this earth). Just as we need to avail ourselves to mentor others, we also need to be thoughtful to fill our days with replenishment. When depleted, we are ineffective to ourselves and those who need us.
3. Student Friendships ~In these friendships, we are the receiver. There are times in life when we need others to carries us through difficult seasons. For many of us, this is about as natural as patting the top of our heads while rubbing our bellies. It?s hard to be vulnerable and acknowledge a need, but until we do & lay our burdens at the feet of Jesus, we will carry an unnecessary load that will impose on every one of our relationships.

As long as we walk this journey in an imperfect world, we will experience all 3 friendships (or at least we should to maintain balance). Too often, however, we tend to gravitate to one type and neglect the others and unfortunately the depth and quality of our relationships suffer.

I love Mary Fairchild?s take on Christian friendships:

5 Traits of True Christian Friends

So, what does a true Christian friendship look like? Let?s break it down into traits that are easy to identify.

Christian Friends Love Sacrificially

John 15:13
Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. (NIV)

Jesus is the finest example of a true Christian friend. His love for us is sacrificial, never selfish. He demonstrated it not only through his miracles of healing, but more fully through the humble service of washing the disciples? feet, and then ultimately, when he laid down his life on the cross.

If we choose our friends based only on what they have to offer, we?ll rarely discover the blessings of a genuine friendship. Philippians 2:3 says, ?Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves.? By valuing your friend?s needs above your own, you?ll be on your way to loving like Jesus. In the process, you?ll likely gain a true friend.

Christian Friends Accept Unconditionally

Proverbs 17:17
A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity. (NIV)

We discover the best of friendships with brothers and sisters who know and accept our weaknesses and imperfections.

If we?re easily offended or hold on to bitterness, we?ll have a hard time making friends. No one is perfect. We all make mistakes now and then. If we take a truthful look at ourselves, we?ll admit that we bear some of the blame when things go wrong in a friendship. A good friend is quick to ask forgiveness and ready to be forgiving.

Christian Friends Trust Completely

Proverbs 18:24
A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. (NIV)

This proverb reveals that a true Christian friend is trustworthy, indeed, but emphasizes a second important truth as well. We should only expect to share complete trust with a few loyal friends. Trusting too easily can lead to ruin, so be careful about putting your confidence in a mere companion. Over time our true Christian friends will prove their trustworthiness by sticking closer than a brother or sister.

Christian Friends Keep Healthy Boundaries

1 Corinthians 13:4
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy ? (NIV)

If you feel smothered in a friendship, something is wrong. Likewise, if you feel used or abused, something is amiss. Recognizing what?s best for someone and giving that person space are signs of a healthy relationship. We should never let a friend come between us and our spouse. A true Christian friend will wisely avoid intruding and recognize your need to maintain other relationships.

Christian Friends Give Mutual Edification

Proverbs 27:6
Wounds from a friend can be trusted ? (NIV)

True Christian friends will build each other up emotionally, spiritually, and physically. Friends like to be together simply because it feels good. We receive strength, encouragement, and love. We talk, we cry, we listen. But at times we also have to say the difficult things our dearest friend needs to hear. Yet, because of the shared trust and acceptance, we are the one person who can impact our friend?s heart, for we know how to deliver the hard message with truth and grace. I believe this is what Proverbs 27:17 means when it says, ?As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.?

My hope is that these five traits will show you areas that may need a little work in your effort to build stronger friendships. But if you don?t have lots of close friends, don?t be too hard on yourself. Remember, true Christian friendships are rare treasures. They take time to nurture, but in the process we grow more Christlike.

Thank-you for taking the time to stop by today and taking a vested interest in our friendship! I value my blog buddies

Marisa

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Source: http://myyearlongjourney.com/2012/09/05/how-to-be-a-friend/

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